We've been looking for an Alligator to round out the Frankie's Apartment "Neighborhood News" Team. A lot of alligators applied (I think there are more cons to Craig's List than pros), but none of them were right for the job. Some were too small, some too ferocious, some seemed to have drug problems. Still others just didn't have a nose for news. Very few that applied actually had any training in journalism or TV. Most had no education at all. So Jeff Roberts has started making an Alligator that can hopefully handle the intense position.
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Fashioned from cardboard and duct-tape. There are electronics involved to make the mouth move. |
JOB REQUIREMENTS:
1. Must be able to talk.
2. Must be an alligator.
3. Must be able to hold a microphone.
4. Must be fearless and be able to ask the hard questions. And the other questions too. Actually just remembering 40% of the questions is what we require.
5. Must know photoshop.
6. Must have at least two years experience working in a restaurant kitchen.
7. Must know their way around a car engine.
8. Must be independently wealthy.
9. Must be generous with their money.
10. Must have a "zen approach" to current events. This means we only read "vintage' periodicals around here. Or - we make stories up. We just find that if you take the "current" out of "current events" everything gets a little more time-travelish and Planet-of-the-Apes-like. I always say that the best newspaper is the one AFTER some kind of kidnapper has written one of those ransom notes where they cut out every letter for the note from a different article or headline so no one knows their hand-writing.
11. Must be able to be competitive when playing charades. Actually we only play "pencil charades" around here. That's when you use a pencil as a prop and pretend that the pencil is something that it's not. We guess what the pencil is. It's not all about you. Sometimes we use a cotton ball as a prop. Sometimes a banana.
12. Must have a funny quirk that we can make fun of.
13. No eating any people or rats. Ghosts are OK to eat.
14. Must be willing to sacrifice enough of the skin off their back for a nice alligator-skin laptop case. I've been in the market for one of those for quite some time.
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Interior view. There are the motors that make the mouth move. |
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DETAIL: One of the mouth motors. |
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Web-shooter-like hand trigger and battery bracelet. To make the alligator talk, Jeff presses the red button. He presses the red button for every single syllable. |
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This is the view-box, where Jeff would see from. |
Will it be a male or female alligator?
ReplyDeleteCan Crocodiles apply?
Gena the crocodile from Cheburashka has a cool demeanor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlLd3Yf0eio&feature=related
how about camo duct tape
ReplyDeletehttp://www.findtape.com/product271/JVCC-CAM-01-Premium-Grade-Camouflage-Duct-Tape.aspx
We keep hearing about a "Duct-Tape Monster" for Halloween. I'll believe it when I see it. Also, I think there's a connection between Jeff's interest in Duct-Tape and the overstocking of said tape in 99 Cent stores.
ReplyDeleteFrankie, I think you need some more lessons about the finer ways. I was struggling to untape myself before the drink was finished because like with all classic cocktails, sophisticated drinking involves a game. The Cardboard Cobbler for instance (maple syrup, onions, shaved cardboard) requires that you make a pair of cardboard shoes (hence, cobbler) for your best friend while they make a pair for you. Last person to finish wins as this cocktail is best enjoyed over a period of a few days. Or the Minted Jump-Up (Sculpey Rocks, pureed hay and mint of course), requires that you jump onto the bar stool, shout the name of your favorite Derby horse (I'll Have Another is my favorite this year: http://bit.ly/RbaSFt) while taking a swig of your drink. This should bring good luck to your horse.
ReplyDeleteThere are countless more cocktails and games. Try it sometime. You'll never drink the same way again.
Best placards,
Jeff's Wife