Thursday, January 31, 2013

Robots Cause Robo-Migraines

Stupid kids (and me) endlessly love big stupid robots.

Mr. Parfenix's BACON recipe (sort of)

The absolute NUMBER ONE thing about Mister Parfenix is that he's crazy.  I asked him to send me his bacon recipe yesterday, requesting that he please send me the recipe using "bullet points".  The last recipe he sent Rubbish came in a strange block of letters with no spaces and no punctuation.  Birds are like that -- they peck at the keys like they're fighting for street morsels.

Anyhow, Mr. Bacon, I mean Mr. Parfenix, delivered.  If anybody makes this bacon block, please let us know, we actually have some pretty excellent doctor's phone numbers in our rolodex.

Mr. Parfenix makes his bacon while at regular, human size.  Then he shrinks down to pigeon size to
fully enjoy his Bacon "Strippers" as he calls them.  You really don't want to disturb him
when he's in the middle of one of these Bacon bashes.

1. A "push-back" is basically how Travolta wore his hair in Saturday Night Fever.
2. Cassoulet is a French dish: Duck and beans.  Some bird this guy is.
3. A saw-buck is ten dollars.  It's more of a Chicago term, but if Mr. P wants to roll like that...

Dear Mr. Parfenix: Did you use Kraft caramel cubes?

You would smoke it.  Mr. Parfenix smokes a lot of things.
Right, Rubbish??

Mr. Parfenix actually thinks he's CUTE using the completely legitimate, although extremely cornball and EXCESSIVELY ARCHAIC Charles Dickens style term, "faggots" --
for the sad little bundles of wood he gathers from the tree shakings all across the Sixth Borough.  

In addition to having CORN syrup running through his ventricles instead of blood, Mr. Parfenix is so OLD his best friend in school was the DINOSAUR that used to sit next to him in the DUNCE CORNER.  That's why he uses such OLD terminology.  

That, and the BLACK PLAGUE ate away half his brain. 

Not to mention the memory loss from the injury he suffered during the Revolutionary War.
He swore he was just wearing a red coat because it was all they had left at the general store but George Washington had to shoot him in the head with his musket just to be sure he wasn't with the bad guys.   

Mr. Parfenix can be nice sometimes too.  Sometimes.

Frankie Cartoon - Animation Test

Nothing final here yet, but check out the eyebrows.  Krinkle Kut French Fries.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Fruit Stands



Main Street

Hydra, Greece

Richmond Hill


Kings Highway

The Lozenge of Crime

He's gone by many names, this valued Leader of the Life-Isn't-Fair Posse.

The Lozenge of Crime.
The Lavender Lookout.
Listen to his theme song and click these gifs to watch them big!

Mad Dog Air Freak Plane

He's like, "Yo, check out my disgusting Mad Dog Plane".
She's like, "I have mixed emotions about it but I'm mostly freaked out!"

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Because Fresh Produce Needs To CHILL

Cross-Dresser Figure

Sashay...Shante.  Sashay...Shante.  Sashay...Shante.

Bad Taste: Dead Michael Jackson Decoration

Today in Sunset Park, BK, in a laundromat.

I do love that the British press were unified in calling MJ "Wacko" no matter what.  He deserved it
because he desperately wanted to be called the King of Pop.  And because he was crazy.

Phantom Key Food

Sudsy, my ghost, isn't all bad. He does keep the house clean and he does trim my nose hairs, and he does
do the food shopping.  Since he's a ghost, he's got a free ticket to shop at all the really top-notch
Phantom Supermarkets.  Phantom Supermarkets start out as haunted supermarkets, but eventually the ghosts
win and take over daily operation.  Sudsy's  favorite is this old Key Food, run by a spectronic Family since '76.
The only downside to shopping at Phantom-Supermarkets is that the food is not necessarily "fresh".
Sudsy made his top ten list of products from the Phantom Key Food:
1. Old Jello.
2. Rotten fruit.
3. Petrified Meat.
4. Cotton Candy.
5. Hi-C Ecto-Cooler.
6. Turkish Delight.
7. A wide selection of nuts.
8. Brains (for Zombies).
9. They have a really good cutlery section for some reason.
10. Wilted lettuce.

If you've been to the Phantom Key Food, please let me know what products you like to purchase from their shelves.

Floorchester Creek

Sixth Borough pollution.  The source of all the Puddle Power.  

Monday, January 28, 2013

Funky Bird

Bolay is one funky bird. I like him because he always brings me leftovers from that
popular Cuchifritos stand in the park.
I'd definitely put him in the "Looks Like Frankie Crew"

Shmider-Man is in the LIFE ISN'T FAIR POSSE

Along with Old Cometman, Shmider-Man is in the Life Isn't Fair Posse.

Shmider-Man says, "Hey Luca you should join the Life Isn't Fair Posse."

Pizza Balls by Brim's

Sixth Borough Power Pellets

Make Your Own Plastic Balloons

I think they found out this stuff was toxic and that teenagers were buying it up to huff it.
It smells great though.  Someone should make a perfume that smells like this.
And one that smells like Play-Dough.  And one that smells like Toast.

Old Cometman

Old Comet-Man is crazy.  He flies around the Zaghaven skies all day, "on patrol".  He's down with a
few other bootleg superhero maniacs - Shmiderman and Batbro (aka Mr. Lavender).  Technically, they're a
gang, and they like to be categorized as "Good Guys" but they're whole thing is that they're knockoff/bootleg/copycat weirdos -- so they're more like "Medium Guys".  Or more like "Guys You
Should Avoid At All Costs".  Being Bootleg means you tend to lie a lot.  If you ask anybody in
the "Life Isn't Fair Posse" (their Justice League name), if they ever saw any movie or read any book,
they ALWAYS say yes.  If you ask them what it's about they just adlib.  It's actually pretty amazing.
Oh yeah, I forget to mention that Mr. Parfenix used to be in the Life Isn't Fair Posse but they kicked
him out for shitting all over their headquarters (the bodega on Mold St. and Sorgum Ave).

Planet Fashions Gear on Sorgum Ave.

Run by a Venusian family since 1987, Planet Fashions Gear has all the dope styles.
All the dope styles from 1987, that is.
They have a Venusian "Materializer" in the back of the store, but they only have the molecular
lay-outs of the coolest shit from the '86-'87 school year.  That's why brands like Ton Sur Ton,
Union Bay, Bugle Boys,
and Ocean Pacific are still huge in the Sixth.

Daintiness Foodstuff House

The toy itself is so disgusting, I'm not even gonna show it to you.


Leprechauns: Best or Worst Holiday Mascot

I'm obsessed with the new hit cartoon, "The Leprechauns".  It is so good and funny.  I love the little
shantytown that they live in and I love all the stuff about gold in them.  I like The Leprechauns
better than The Smurfs.  They are magical and mischievous.  How can you get better than that?
I love how they have funny voices and always make people look dumb.  That's funny.
I also like the dog-leprechaun character and that other character they have who is like some
kind of even-smaller, cuter leprechaun-ghost named Tricks.

The thing I like best about Leprechauns is that the bad guys are everybody else.  All the humans, no
matter how nice they are, become the bad guys when they deal with Leprechauns.  That's because
Leprechauns bring out the worst in us.  That's also funny.  Maybe one day I'll record some of the
Leprechauns cartoon and show it to you.  

Zaghaven Power Plant

The Sixth Borough is powered by this guy.  What you see is the head of the giant robot, NUMLOCK.  The
rest of his body is under there, buried 50 stories closer to the core.  Numlock used to do all that space
fighting stuff, back in the day -- he chilled with all the greats -- Votron, Mazinger, Grandizer, Dangard,
Goldorak... even Daltanias the Godsphinx.  After a particularly hard night of partying with the fellas,
he fell to Earth and landed in Blue Kills Park on the North Side of the 6th.  He terrorized everybody a little
bit, and even obliterated the neighborhood of Floorchester, but higher-ups at the Zephyr Candy Factory
struck a deal with him to settle down in Zaghaven and quit the space-robot business.  Zephyr was in need of
more power to help them meet rising Licorice orders, so, in exchange for sucking energies out of the ground,
Numlock is basically undergoing a 24/7 spa treatment.  There are technicians servicing his
insides at all times, keeping him perfectly tuned up.  The "rooms" inside his body are
exquisitely decorated, and if you're lucky enough to get a ticket to take a tour of his torso, it culminates in
his liver (an enormous ampitheatre) where Numlock gives an astounding video lecture about space travel,
star-milk, and alien muzak.  This is Numlock's favorite, because everyone loves to hear themselves talk
and he could never get a word in edgewise with those other, more famous robots.  Especially that
Votron guy who was just a terrible conversationalist.  


Sharpie Graf: Murray Hill

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Mr. Parfenix has a Girlfriend!

So I guess, "officially" they're just "hanging out" but Mr. Parfenix doesn't shrink down all day for just
any pigeon.  Her name is Flappy.  Mr Parfenix was like, "Have you ever heard a more lovely name?"
I took this picture with my telescopic lens from the top of the Zaghaven Spire.  Fortunately I have a permanent
bug on Mr. Parfenix's cape so I got to eavesdrop on their conversation.  Maybe I should have written "unfortuantely".  Anyway this is the part of their "date" where Mr. Parfenix was halfway through listing
his 127 favorite bands in order of how much he likes their drummers.

I didn't know pigeons had such defined eyelids.