Thursday, May 31, 2012


I guess this is cheating, but I'm gonna post a bunch more Chi-Ali.  He was 14 when he recorded his full-length LP.

Maniac Psycho:

The Fabulous Chi:

Let the Horns Blow:

Kid Rap Thursday: Boo-Boo Bones!

This is one of the great songs that few know about.  Killer beatbox and kid doing a monster/robot voice.  If you can read the fine print on the label of the 12" it says that Boo-Boo B is the "6-Year-Old Wonder".  This is the A-Side.  The B-Side features Troy the Wonder Boy and Electric 1000 doing a song called, "Jump".

Kid Rap Thursday: Luca and Goo-Goo!

Before Luca Guidolini was 17 and my intern, he was 11 and he  had a brother named Goo-Goo.  This is them rappin' for my music group, Bandy, back in '06.

Kid Rap Thursday: De La Soul's Jeff became Chi-Ali

This story is all over the internet, but to kick off Kid Rap Thursday, I'm putting up a De La B-Side, with Jeff, who was on the skits of De La Soul is Dead.  Jeff later rapped with Black Sheep, then put out his own record, then did some dirt and went to jail for a little while.

This is "The Mack Daddy On the Left".

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

People in My Neighborhood: Fintan and the Hole in My Basement

There was an awful leak in my basement, so I called Fintan, a very popular downtown Handyman, to come help me out.  We had to move my giant Christmas-Tree-Light-Back-Up Generator to discover the water source.  When we did we found a hole in the wall.  Fintan took a hammer to it and opened it up good.

It turns out Rubbish and Sudsy have been tunneling, in hopes of opening a super-exclusive restaurant and cocktail lounge.  What a great idea.  Why didn't I think of it?  It's only going to have one stool in the whole place and Rubbish is gonna design a cocktail menu that focuses on cheese juice as the main ingredient.  Instead of music, Sudsy's just going to sob.

Fintan's gonna help them source out some repurposed wood for that rustic look
Fintan is from Ireland.  He likes the Transformer movie franchise, eating sweets, and speeding
on the highway.  He welds for a hobby and he's teaching his 4-year-old son how to drive on
one of his old lawnmowers.
Fintan likes to goof around, but he doesn't like for me to put my arm around him.
In this picture, Fintan is trying to strangle Rubbish James because he just caught him looking through
his wallet.  To the left is Fintan's Assistant, José, playing with some wet drywall.
Here's Fintan trying to act cool.  Well, if it wasn't for him, my apartment might have turned to mush.
Then by bedroom would be a mushroom!


Chubby Parker is most famous for his incredible version of King Kong Kitchie Kitchie Ki-Me-O, which is a version of Froggie-Went-A-Courtin'.  It was featured on The American Anthology of Folk Music which was compiled by Harry Smith.  This one wasn't on it and is less known, but still good.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Sippin' Cider Through A Straw

This kids voice can make you tear up.

Camp Song: The Younger Generation

In honor of the release of Moonrise Kingdom, I present an old camp song favorite, "The Younger Generation".  Directed by the great Pete Seeger with Eric Darling and the Song Swappers.  Sung by 6 to 11-year-old campers.

You have to wait for the two solo vocalists that come in at 1:01 and 1:08.

In another version of the movie, Anderson could have totally went with a few Seeger folk songs instead of the Hank Williams stuff.

Cracked Venusian Hi-Bouncer

Have you ever heard of a kid keeping or owning a hi-bouncer? When I use hi-bouncers (aka all-the-time) I get them from the quarter machines at the supermarket, then play with them on the street for a bunch of minutes - I think my record is eleven and a half. There must be a place where all the hi-bouncers go to chill. They must be the most independent ball. Sure, I've found my fair share in the gutter, but these things are mass-produced, and for decades - there are MILLIONS of them.  There's probably a beautiful beach somewhere that has hi-bouncers instead of sand and ball-pool balls instead of ocean and the sun is a giant basketball and soccerball bullies are mean to weakling handballs and everybody sweats those sexy volleyballs.

This is from the elite Hi-Bouncer "Planet" Collection.  Ladies and Germs: Venus.

Sticker: Maintenance Dept. Glitter Wrench

Broken Handball

I was hoping something would've hatched out of this thing, but no dice.

Pinbacks: The Empire State Building

Made out of pure TIN!
You gotta like the smaller cropping of buildings on the bottom.  Plus it looks good in the photo.
I need to find a tiny golden King Kong to climb this thing.

This doesn't qualify as a pinback, because it's technically a "foldy" or a "foldover",
but at the end of the day, who cares?

Cow Gif

When you go to a steak joint, sometimes they'll stick a plastic cow in your steak like this one below.  Secretly, it's marked with a letter that stands for how you like your steak cooked.

Frere Jacques by the Cutest Sounding Kid Ever

Monday, May 28, 2012

French Kids Can Sing Too

First, I hit you with the blood drenched rhymes of Jolly Ol' England.

Then I flexed with the rhythmic superiority of Urban American Kids in the 60's.

Now here are some French Kids really being as cute as can be.

Denise: The "Rare" Not-So-Great Version from 1973

Randy and the Rainbows scored their only real hit in 1963 with "Denise".  You know the song.  It goes, "Oh Denise, shoo-bee-doo, I'm in love with you Denise..."  Blondie covered it which maybe made it a little more popular, but it's in constant rotation on oldies radio, basically since the day.  It's great, slightly magical, kind of perfect.

In 1973, Randy and Co. decided to re-record with something of a more dancy sound - disco is approaching fast and this has that bad step beat to guide dum-dums on the dance-floor.  Because the original song is good, this version is kind of good, but it sounds like junk cuz it's off an old acetate cuz I don't think it ever saw the light of day.

FACT: 1963 was the year for oldies.  More of the good stuff was packed into 1963.  Cross influencing, copy-cats, lots of talent, payola - all came together to make '63 the year.

NOT A FACT, BUT I THINK: This version of "Denise" predates the Four Seasons song "1963 (Oh What a Night)" by 2 years.  But the two groups were thinking the same way - The Seasons just made a new, better good song, while The Rainbows chumped it and made their old song worse.  "1963" was a smash hit that takes the oldies formula THEN totally makes it disco AND romanticizes that great year of 1963.  Which all the oldies guys were probably doing at that point - meeting up in diners and bowling alleys, getting chubby, and saying, "Man, remember 1963!?"  Spector was still working in a sort of cool way in '75 but only because he'd totally lost his mind - probably in 1963.

The Rainbows in '73.

Pinbacks: Alligator/Crocodile

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Twitch and Writhe

While you guys are sleeping, I'm turning old VHS clips into mp3's. This is a "Twist and Shout" knock-off called "Twitch and Writhe," by an Alvin and the Chipmunks rip-off called Elway and the Tree Weasels. Well -- they're a spoof from the late 80's Mighty Mouse cartoon by Ren and Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi.  "Twist and Shout" was originally performed by the Isley Brothers, but was later covered by The Beatles.  The Beatles version has since gone through the roof as one of the greatest make-you-dance songs of all time.

Pinback: Frontiertown Sheriff Badge

I got this when I was a kid in upstate, NY. Back then they had all sorts of small amusement parks -- Frontiertown was cowboy/Indian/pioneer. Enchanted Forest had animal statues that talked through a speaker. Storybook Land was based on Nursery Rhymes. North Pole was Santa's spot 24/7, but he had a lot of holiday guys chillin' there. Ausable Chasm was a mountain trail that was supposed to have all these natural rock formations that looked like turtles and birds and dinosaurs.

Pinback: Captain Star

.8" Diameter

I Am Not Afraid of Anything

Yo Cam'Ron here's your next hook!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Sheriff Badge

It's dope because it comes in Yellow, which is like CARTOON GOLD

People In My Neighborhood: The Guy At Spumoni Gardens

He's telling me the official pizza "rules".  Not that the pizza is awesome, the laundry list of pizza do's and don'ts
that this guy constantly berates me with. Every time I see him. Then, whenever I ask him his name, he's like,
"You don't know my name?" Like I'm supposed to know.  But he won't tell me.
I think it's all part of the Pizza Rules.

Best Sicilian in NYC

86th Street, Bensonhurst, BK

Top View of a Lego Hot Dog Vendor Umbrella

Might be the Key Harmonic

Rumpelstilskin Mini-Songs

In the end of the story of the wicked hobgoblin Rumpelstilskin, the title character gives the Queen a chance to win her baby back if she can guess his name.  If you remember, Rumpelstilskin helped the Queen out before she was Queen, and magically spun straw into gold for her.  It basically got her out of a tight jam AND made her queen - so she made out pretty well.  BUT - in exchange, the little guy told her that he wanted her first born child. That'd be a no-go to a normal, good, person, but I guess the future queen was so flustered (plus she wanted that crown pretty bad) that she agreed.  So maybe Rump isn't so bad, but he shouldn't be going around making deals for kids, cuz the FBI really doesn't stand for that sort of thing - unless it's a legal adoption kind of sitch.  

These are 4 little songs of the Queen trying to guess the name of the hobgoblin, sung by Helen E. Myers.

The Funky Fuzzy Produce Gang

OK. Here are some facts about the Funky Fuzzy Produce Gang.

1. It took Jeff Roberts 7 years to amass the full collection.
2. The green one, Mr. Avocado, was the hardest to find.
3. They can only be found in 99¢ Stores.
4. Even though they can only be found in 99¢ Stores, the highly collectible nature of the Funky
    Fuzzy Gang has made shop-owners deal them UNDER-THE-TABLE for prices up to $9.99
    if you can believe it.
5. To quote Jeff Roberts, "They are worth every penny. The joy they bring me..."
6. They were originally marketed as DOG toys.
7. They are still marketed as DOG toys.
8. The pink one's name is Radishio.
9. The orange one's name is Persimmons.
10. The purple one is an Eggplant.  Her name is Eggplantface.
11. The yellow one - this is the most mind-blowing info - is supposed to be a SMALL ROUND
      BANANA, named Banana Dwarf.

Thank You.

Coloring Book Saturday: Bag o' Peanuts

Well kids, we've finally made it there. Or here. It's COLORING BOOK SATURDAY!!!  And that means we're gonna have a ton of fun with crayons, markers, or Photoshop.  You can either print out the page from here or you can drag it into Photoshop!  Ask your parents how to do it.  Or if you're a big person, like me, do it yourself.  You can also just enjoy the busted old drawings, if you like!

Sometimes, when I'm fliping through my vast collection of Coloring Books, I wonder to myself, who were the artists that used to book these gigs?  Did they care?  Did it make them happy?  Were they doing it instead of making serious art?  Were they bummed?  I feel like you can get a sense of the illustrators being bummed out.  Especially in some of the more wack-o getover coloring books (AKA the best ones).

This one's colored in, just to start you off right. If only peanuts were really yellow like this.

Coloring Book Saturday: Jack-O-Lantern

This Jack-O-Lantern is begging to be colored in wrong.  Please, make it look like there's slime dripping out of his mouth.  He deserves it because he's wearing his lid like it's some kind of beret from the French Revolution.

We can be like the French Revolution and stop taking all this guff from these COLORING BOOK DRAWINGS!  We don't have to play by the rules.  Who says we have to stay in the lines!  What if I wanna go outside the lines as an artistic choice, or even by mistake?  It's OK.  If I wanna draw a green radioactive glow around this dumb pumkin-head, I will.  I think this guy is the ring-leader of this whole coloring book conspiracy to turn us into zombies who can't think outside the "accepted" color sprectrum.

It ends today.  On Coloring Book Saturday!!!

Coloring Book Saturday: Two Tomatoes!

For all you poor little kids out there who's parents are into RUSTIC CHARM, SALVAGED WOOD, and OLD LIGHT FIXTURES: I present these tomatoes for your coloring pleasure. Remember, tomatoes are most often a dark orangey kind of RED, but sometimes they can be green and yellow too.

Don't be afraid to get crazy and color them in BLUE or with PURPLE STRIPES or covered in PINK POLKADOTS. Maybe one day some SCIENTISTS will figure out a way to chemically engineer tomatoes to look crazy (and taste worse), but for now, we'll have to settle for Coloring Book Saturdays to help us have futuristic fun.

Coloring Book Saturday: Chair

Ok, kids. It's time to color in this CHAIR!

I like it when it's a picture of something not kid-like or fun at all.
I'm not saying you can't have fun with a chair.  But come on.
The only way to really have fun with a chair is
1. to SMASH IT!
2. To see someone else fall backwards in it!

Coloring Book Saturday: Shoe and Sock

Shoe and sort-of argyle sock.  Non-stop FUN!

Coloring Book Saturday: Ice Cream Cone

Big Drips

Coloring Book Saturday: Candle

Sorry this one is done already - but seriously - do you really think you could top this?  In the Coloring Book World (a slightly more elite social group than you might think) this Crayola job could fetch a pretty penny.  I mean that white is GLOWING.  I really fine piece.

Friday, May 25, 2012

These Beach Ball Characters Are Weird

So here, featured on those Pro-Kadima style beach paddles - is an incredible anthropomorphic Beach Ball scene - at the beach no less. Only because it says Beach Ball am I assuming that these characters are Beach Balls - sailor/surfer Beach Balls no less - with the guy laying all wilted on the ground being a deflated Beach Ball because he's fallen asleep and gotten too much sun.  I'm pretty sure the Beach Ball in the back has a pair of sunglasses on his forehead and is holding a boogie board or possibly one of those skinboards that you ride where the water meets the shore.  Just trying to get an accurate assessment of the situation.

These Rides are all over Brooklyn

Up High, bolted to a building
Jeff Roberts (my best friend) on a kangaroo one
Some kind of Worm Merry-go-round.  NOTE: they've had to keep on a leash on the yellow one because he
keeps trying to escape.
left on the side of the road
Jeff on a Thomas the Tank Engine Knock-off
(Or is Thomas already a knock-off of the Little Engine That Could?)

Interesting Use of Refrigerator

Verrazano Deli on 4th Ave. in Bay Ridge Brooklyn

90's Bubble Bath

Middle Eastern Kids Instrumental

People in My Neighborhood: Sammy

Sammy used to work at the Jack's Coffee part of the Rice on Elizabeth St. before they sadly hat to shut down.  I think he worked at Rice too, after the morning coffee rush, in fact, he said he'd worked for Rice in one way or another for 9 years.  Now he's delivering burgers for some spot on Ave. B, but I really want my wife to hire him to work at one of her places, The Smile or Smile To Go.  

You just gotta jock that hood-under-helmet style.  Not to mention his rolled-up rainslick sleeves.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Merry X-Mas Everybody!

OK, so I found this on the internet.  If I didn't find it on the internet, I never would have found it, so even though it's sort of cheating, I think it's OK.  This is Asian, and sort of old school hip-hop.  It's the "rappin'" part that I'm not sure of.  No it's in there: just wait for 1:14.  It's WORTH IT!  HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

NEW VIDEO: Intermission

Just watch it.  It's only 32 seconds long!

Welcome to the World of Rallag: Bootleg Kellogg's Necklace Charms

It's self-explanatory why these are incredible and important to the universe. Anything beyond that, I can't explain at all.

Close to actual size.  To give your to sweetheart to show how much you care.
Cooo Rors
Pice Bupblfs

Corn Pcps

Eroot Locps