THE SHLOG HAS MOVED

We'll be broadcasting from:
www.frankiesapartment.com/shlog

NY Double Chinese Restaurant

Not to be confused with the their competitor Two Ways Chinese Restaurant.
. It's fantastic... If only they had cheese though.

White/Black Hole

House On Top Of Pet Grooming Shop For Sale

This beautiful 2 family home is on the market.  
The way I see it, having a house on top of a Pet Grooming Shop is an added bonus.  
I wouldn't have to commute all the way uptown to get my neck hairs cleaned up.

The Head Groomer, Sloppy John yelled at this car because he caught the driver running a red light.
The argument got pretty heated but came to an end when John said,
"When Happy Hour's over, I'm gonna kick your ass!".  The car just left after that.

Swimming Lessons

It's almost Summer time, and a new crop of youngsters are learning how to swim at Lilly Pond Pool.

Here they're learning the Poodle-Paddle Stroke which is a variation on the classic Doggy Paddle.

Documentation of this lesson was cut short because I got spotted by the Swim Instructor, Samuel.
who did NOT take kindly to having his class photographed and cursed me out.
"SCRAM YOU FRIGGIN' RAT!  THERE'S LEARNING GOING ON HERE!"

This lady charged at the kid in the funny T-shirt, apparently because he sold her unsatisfactory goods.
"YOU CALL THIS A SANDWICH?!?!", she yelled.
Just as we reported last year, there's always a good time to be had at the pool!

Zeppoles Menu

The Venusian owned Zeppoles-Stand by the Blue Kills Park entrance just updated their seasonal menu.

BALL & EM On Sale!

BALL for only $3 and EM is only $3.50?!?!?
I sent Frankie with $100 of his own money to get whatever they had.
After all, it's a buyer's market and we gotta stock up for the Summer.

"Combat Set" Review

The "Super Cop" Combat Set is finally available!  (beware of it's Choking Hazard status)

It's got it all... Chinese Gun & ammo, Handcuffs with TWO keys, Night Stick,
Walkie Talkie (also doubles as a canteen) and the coolest pair of Shades around.
Though the plastic smells toxic and might burst into flames if exposed to small amounts of sunlight,
I found the Handcuffs unusually strong and the nightstick perfect for muddling Mojitos.
The Gun doesn't work, but it'll do the trick for what I need it for.
The suction cups need glue in order to stick to a forehead, which Frankie can confirm.
The Sunglasses caused a Stage-2 Migraine... which isn't so bad.
Overall I give Combat Set a solid 10 (out of 1,000).

Chuppa Products suggests to display Combat Set in the Snacks/Chips Department.
I didn't realize that 99¢ Shops had Departments, 
but I'd definitely expect to find weapons, ammunition and communication devices there.
Only $3.99... which is appropriate considering target stores advertise 99¢ in their names and signage.

LUCA AT THE PROM!

CANDY FACTORY

North you go, through Blue Kills Park.  Once you climb the fence, you hit the clearing.
If you don't wear some sort of breathing apparatus, be forewarned: the Vapors are much
stronger here. Vapors effect each person differently. Nothing much changes if you're a native,
dreaming can be better, especially day-dreaming.  Hallucinations can be pungent.
Sometimes a good idea could become unstuck from the hallucination and get real.
Real Hallucinations are still fighting for their rights in local government.
Still, non-natives have been known to float, pick-up radio transmissions in their heads,
and lose their sense of smell. 

Beyond the barbed wire and quicksand, over the nuclear waste creek, a click to the East.
Allow your eyes to adjust before you decide it's not there.
The Candy Factory.
I mean, that's what we called it as kids.  Yes they made the Licorice, and
those chocolate things, and that glow-in-the-dark Taffy.  But it was all just a part of keeping
the place going.  They made a lot more than just candy over the years.  Cheap Toys,
getover House-ware items, Electronic Knick-knacks, Sneakers, Jackets, Hats, Sporting Equipment.
It all kept the research funded.  They'd apply mistakes to the thingamajigs they sold.
Decoder Rings that generate a forcefield for kids that get bullied in school.
Invisibility Sneakers that can project the space around you to make you appear invisible:
except the sneakers are always visible.
The Hover-Bicycle sold the best: but kids died left and right.
I do not want to discuss the brouhaha over their line of  handheld Vacuum Cleaners (they
are still used as weapons in the bad parts of the Sixth today).
What they were really doing was Experimenting.  Testing.  Pushing the Envelope.
The Venusians came on accident through a conduit in the smokestack -- the teleportation was something
they never got quite right (if you find an old T-Belt I'll give you 1000 bucks for it).
There was talk about a quest to make youth -- or distill it -- or to freeze it.  There's our time glitch.
Some say they were cutting a hole in reality.  It's safe to say they did that, but at what cost?

The closer you get, the farther you are from it.  You'll keep finding yourself on the other side of the fence if
you keep trying to reach it.  Rubbish and I made it to the door once.  When we walked inside, we were
inside the lobby of our our apartment building -- nearly 6 miles away.  

Wall-To-Wall Guidos

This place used to be in Zaghaven, but I was really happy when it vanished off the strip.
All the guidos used to chase me and Rubbish down Sorgum Ave. everyday.  They called me
the neighborhood freak and said I was a filthy fanook for harboring a diseased rodent in my backpack.
As I ran from them Rubbish would make with the hand gestures and tell
them to do all sorts of things to their mothers.  Better to leave this place where we found it.

BREAKING NEWS: Pizza Hut Becomes a Dry Cleaners

This was the staple roof for all the Pizza Huts back in the day.  Rubbish asked the the proprietor,
"Didn't this used to be a Pizza Hut?" and the guy jumped in the air and said, "Bingo!"
I suppose he jumped because Rubbish is a rat and he was inside his store.  But the guy was cool.
He said it was a Pizza Hut from 1968-1970 (remember this was before the PIZZA EXPLOSION
in the mid-70s), then became a KING OF JEANS until 1987, when our friend, the Dry Cleaner, bought
the joint.  1980?  That sign looks like it's from the 50's.  More torture and treachery from the 6th Boro!

The Search Continues...

All the kids who were reared in the 6th Boro, went to Goldy's when they wanted to get drunk.
Whether you had a Fake ID, or a piece of looseleaf paper, Goldy's sold to anybody.
Goldy's was run by an old gold prospector named Flam who named the place after his
dog, who he had to eat once when he was lost up in the hills of some South American country while
looking for gold.  He never found any gold, but when he made it back to the States in the 60s, his
Mom had passed away and left him enough money to open Goldy's.  Since getting drunk was actually
something Flam loved more than gold, or even the idea of being rich, he felt like he had struck it big.
Plus, he always hated his mother, who coincidentally, also liked to drink.  Goldy's disappeared years
ago from the 6th's neighborhood called Brick Kiln, but popped up just yesterday in the town of
East Rockaway out in LI.  I asked the guy inside what happened to Flam and he said he became a tree.
"Lucky bastard," I said.

Joan & Joanne's Umbrellas

Journeying on our adventures in search of the 6th Borough 
during the Summer days can be a real pain in the ass.
When me & Frankie aren't Zapping those missing pieces back to the 6th,
we're bitching and complaining about the sun and heat.  And rightfully so!
Here's my latest suggestion to Frankie: UMBRELLAS!
Joan & Joanne look both cool AND fly under theirs...  
So Frank, let's finally put that umbrella collection of yours to good use.  What do you say?

6th Boro Sky Blender

JT's garage has long served the 6th Borough with both fair deals and total rip-offs!
Sadly, it seems the Vapors are overtaking their building and they're starting to blend into the sky.
Soon, they'll start to float upwards where they'll only be able to service the Zaghaven Zeppelin traffic.
Luckily, the Sixth is swoll with blimp action.

Best eBay Listing Ever

Some people like to wake up and read the New York Times, others go straight to the Sports Section of the Daily News.  I like to wake up to eBay.  After a refreshing 12 hours of sleep, there's literally 12 hours of action I've missed in the eBay Universe.

Woke up to this gem this morning.  Make no mistake, it's an ordinary extra-large Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee cup.

The only question you should really be asking is how could I possibly have found this listing.

My only complaint is that this cup is obviously NOT new: it's still got the ice sweat on the bottom of the
cup with about a half-inch of backwash inside it.  Everything else seems mad legit.

Toilet Bowl Brushes Are In Bloom

Ahhh... Late Spring in New York City.
The accursed heat is rising, the pollen count is through the roof
 and all the HoopleHeads are out and about, getting their margaritas on.
At least we can be thankful for our kick ass AC unit & for the toilet bowl brushes that are in full bloom.
Aren't they lovely this year?

COLORING BOOK CHRONICLES

LOTTO. Taste of China. Superior.

Win-4.

Tex-Mex.

10 Dollar Bill ATM.

Rubbish's Crib in the Catskills

Rubbish is always trying to pick up on the local females - mostly rabbits - but they're all say they're Hasidic,
so they claim they're not allowed to touch him.  Rubbish's weekend crib might be located up
in Monticello, and there is a huge Hasidic community up there -- but everybody knows
Rabbits are all lousy with Scientology.  People used to say that Bugs Bunny was Jewish, but
Bugs was one of L Ron's earliest Hollywood converts.  So maybe Rubbish should try some of the
less picky females up at the campgrounds.  Like maybe try dating some Snails.
They like to take it slow at first, but they're easy to catch.
Slugs are fun -- they like to lay in bed all day.
Leeches never say no, but it's impossible to get them off of you once they get attached.

Frankie's Apartment

From when I first inquired.

That's Mr. P's penthouse to the left.

This is back when Mr. Parfenix was toying with the idea of a moat.

Roderick of Zaghaven

That's my boy Roderick right there -- the two-toner in the driveway.  What up Roderick?
"Yo," says Rod.
It looks like Roderick got a flat.  Poor Roderick.

"You poor," says Roderick.  "Don't call me poor.  I like having a flat tire.  That's my style."

"I feel you," I said.  "It's like having a gangster limp." 

Father's Day Specials at Rite Aids

Go Farther this Father's Day

Always Carry

Might Need.

King Yellow Lion & Class Bunny

King Yellow Lion and Class Bunny live in a castle all by themselves.
They play "Triangles" with a beach ball and beat on their kick drum.
More on the game of "Triangles" later.

"Sad Circus Parade"

Been reading this really funny book called "Sad Circus Parade".
It's about this Circus full of malcontents who parade around for no one.

Wiffle Ball Box Forever

Say what you want about how all these companies making trashy packaging with
cheap-o laser printed graphics...
Lucky for us, there's still the WIFFLE BALL BOX!

Official Zaghaven "Underground Resistance" Pinback

Blimp Pinback

This is Mr. Parfenix's blimp, which he calls Blimpie, which makes him laugh every time.
Mr. P's blimp used to be my blimp -- a little pin that he stole out of my sock drawer one afternoon while
I was out galavanting, looking for treasure.  In order to take a ride in Blimpie, Mr. P has has to
drink 3 times as much shrink drink as he normally does.  So not only is he very very small when he
drives Blimpie, he's also very very drunk.  Once he got pulled over by a couple of
Lightning Bugs (didn't you know they were the insect police?) but he quickly grew to
his full size and captured the bugs in his fat fists.  He immediately threw them on the ground
and smeared them with his foot -- which leaves a glowing streak on the pavement for about
ten seconds.  This is true, but please don't try it.  We used to do it as kids all the time until
one of the old Greek grandmothers accused us of having black hearts.