Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Two Ways

When I'm In the neighborhood, one place I NEVER go is Two Ways Chinese & Japanese Restaurant.
Now this isn't because I've ever tried it, or because the name isn't awesome.  In fact, it's probably one of
the best names ever.  I mean it's not the best, simply because it makes perfect sense.  Double perfect
sense. Too bad.  If it made no sense, then it would be the best name.

Located on Broadway in a deserted stretch of Woodside, it's basically scary.  Besides that, it's
rundown, smelly, and always EMPTY.

One side: SUSHI.

The Other Side: Chinese Food.  Hey wait.  Look at that guy!

He's sleeping!

Holy cow!  Look at the Sushi chef.  He's sleeping too!  Maybe this place is a good place to take a nap.
We should all go over there and fall asleep in our Egg Foo Yung and Salmon Sashimi Platters.

And now: TWO Yelp Reviews of Two Ways:

1. The guy had BUTTER LO MEIN.  I didn't know places made BUTTER LO MEIN!  Sign me up!
2. The reviewer is crazy.  Two Ways is basically falling apart.  Of course it sucks.  Why rub it in. Don H.?
3. Finally, in the end, it dawns on Don that the name is funny.  Well, that's something. 

This one isn't so good, but I put up a good review so you could get the TWO WAYS of TWO WAYS.
Still, this reviewer, Belle L. is totally out of her mind too.  First, she's from Albany -- so I don't know what she's
doing reviewing a crappy take-out spot in Queens.  Second -- $50 dollars in Two Ways Sushi!?!?
Two Ways, indeed.