Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Anthropomorphics Anonymous: Our Meeting Place

For those of you who are tuning in late, Anthropomorhics Anonymous is a support group for people that are overly obsessed with the idea of animals and inanimate objects having 1) personalities and 2) drawn-on faces. The most acute form of the disorder is when a person can no longer monitor when it's NOT APPROPRIATE to draw a face on something. Take my friend Edmund - he used a can of spraypaint to draw a face on a brand new BMW, then got a case of the giggles.  He couldn't stop laughing even when the hedge-fund guy who owned the car showed up with the fuzz. Or Lucy, who spent 3 weeks crafting 100 pairs of giant weather-proof Groucho glasses - that she put on all the trees that line Sackett Street in Brooklyn. She was convinced that they were a bunch of pranksters, so she wanted to fill out their look.

How do you know you have a problem?  Well - do you carry around a pocketful of Googly Eyes just in case you want to give the salt shaker at you brunch spot a little personality?

Just a handful from my own pocket.  I like to use these in drug stores.  There's nothing funnier than a
bucket of Nail Clippers staring back at you from the shelf.

Don't forget the Krazy Glue - you need something to make those eye-balls stick permanently.

Here's some other stuff you'll need if you want to join our crew - uh - support group. Sometimes people mistake us for the common graffiti criminal.  That's just because we use a lot of the same stuff to practice our arts - I mean - problems.

Remember kids, if you practice your problems, you get really good at them.  People who are good at their problems are usually very funny people because they are crazy and there is nothing better to fill the void than a little insanity.  With a lot of insanity, you could wind up famous.

Pictured below - a 4-color Bic ballpoint pen, a half-inch tipped PILOT Super Color Marker, and the pocket standard: the Sharpie.

Old School Speedball Painters Pen

80's issue Marks-A-Lot

Real fake moustaches are worth the investment.  It's good if you make rules for yourself.
I like to put these on those buttons you press to cross the street.

large bug eyes, good for mailboxes, mop buckets, and menus.

Anyway, this is our meeting place - we rent out the backroom of an old Optimo on Woodhaven Blvd. in Queens.  As you can see, nobody's here because none of us will admit to having a problem.  Because it's not a problem, it's awesome.  If you want to join our crew, show us some anthropomorphizing you did in a photograph, and we'll send you a membership patch.