Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Mr. Parfenix: Out and About

All great villains have some kind of superpower.  Some can jump high, some have power blasts, some are
smooth talkers.  Mr. Parfenix would have you believe that his villainousness lies in his shrinky powers or in
his ability to fly, or in that weird mind control thing he does when you're drinking with him and you wind
up hanging out with him till the next morning drunk out of your mind, but no, his real power comes
in the form of tremendous lies.  For years Mr. P tried to make it sound like he was a real player when it
came to the ladies.  He swore up and down (because we obviously didn't believe him) that he had some
"dame" that he'd visit in this pink building.  In fact he had all sorts of ladies conjured up that he was
seeing in all sorts of buildings in the 6th.  If we'd pass a building, he'd say, "I SEE A WOMAN THERE.
SHE BEAUTIFUL.  SHE LOVE ME."  So we set up a sting.  Rubbish and Sudsy both tracked Mr. P
into Apartment 3F -- but nobody was in there.  They listened through the bathroom door.
Mr. P shuffled around a bit. Then, they heard him start in with the lovey dovey stuff.
"You know I love you.  I'd do anything for you.  Tell me what you want.  You're my everything.
You're gorgeousity enthralls me.  Let me love you.  Let me take care of you."  Sudsy and Rubbish
crack open the door to take a peek and blammo -- Mr. P is talking to the WALL.  Granted, it was an old wall,
with a lavish crack in the thick paint -- but it was a Wall.  They didn't have the heart to bust him on it.  After
Mr. P vacated (all he really did was kiss the wall and lick it a few times) Rubbish inspected the wall,
finding a crude ballpoint drawing on it of a lady that looked like Elvira.  In the crack, Mr. P left a slab of
thickly cut bacon.