Tuesday, November 27, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: Twix Wrapper Stuck Under Subway Sign!

I see this all the time.

The poor little, neatly folded Twix Wrapper was trapped under this sign for nearly 4 days.
It whimpered andsniffled and kept singing the KitKat theme song (oddly).  I went and
checked on it every day to see how it was doing.  Other News Reporters were there of course, similar to
when a kid get trapped in a well. If we were to simply pull it out and toss it in the trash, we'd be messing
with our own story. It's a question of journalistic integrity.  I'll do anything for a story, especially if
it's a completely ridiculous non-story.  I'll even make things up, that's how dedicated I am to
internet journalism (just like all the other internet "journalists" out there).  
There's a Billy Wilder film called Ace In the Hole starring hambone-extraordinaire Kirk Douglas
as a scummy journalist out of Albuquerque who keeps a guy stuck in a cave so he can break the story
and get back to working a big-city beat. My dad hated Kirk Douglas and said he was a schmuck.