People In My Neighborhood: Miguel

To help me make a couple extra bucks, my buddy Miguel sometimes gets me a day of work handing out flyers for this quack chiropractor we know out in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

The chiropractor, who we'll call Dr. Duck for the purposes of this "article", is the most paranoid person I've ever met.  I tried to snap a picture of him, but he forced me to erase it.  He falls somewhere between a 2-bit drug-lord and an over-enthusiastic uncle. This isn't to say he isn't nice, in fact he's a regular charmer.  He always makes café con leche when we visit and he gives out lollipops like they're candy.  He's just not a doctor.

We have to sign each flyer we give out so they know who's the best flyer-giver-outer.

Miguel's Autograph

My Autograph

Loose wording.  It's like, "If you need some MEDICAL, come see me!"

But this doesn't mean that Miguel isn't the best guy ever.  Just look at him!

Worry-lines aside, Miguel is a riot!

Older guys just know how to rock the pocket on a button-down shirt.  

Old man slip-on skippies.  Spicoli had nothing on this.  2-inch cuffs on white Levi's twills.  

Drawing w/colored pencil of Dr. Duck

End Note: I'm gonna start collecting photos and peel-offs of old locksmith stickers.

Thai, son!

George P. in front of Thai Son, a Vietnamese Restaurant in Jackson Heights, Queens

George's Close-Up

Here are my favorite reviews of this place off of Yelp:

The other cool thing about Thai Son is they have this regular customer, Ana, who hangs out between the restaurant and the liquor store that we're standing in front of, which is few doors down.  I'm not sure what's in that cup that Ana's sipping from, but I can tell you that Ana smelled like six bottles of 2$ Night Train.  That's sort of a ripple, or sweet wine, like Fred Sanford used to drink.  Well, maybe her hat fell in a vodka puddle.  Maybe she was in an accident with a beer keg.  Either way, she wouldn't take a photo with me until I gave her a quarter.  

Check Out My New Shoes!!!

I've Got Half A Mind To Save These In The Original Cellophane Forever!

These were TWO PAIRS for 25$ in Philly.  So I got the white ones too.
Don't sleep on the supercool steel toe.  See it?
Ain't nobody gonna break my stride.

LOTTO FOR DEEP

Jackson Heights, Queens.  The New York Lottery is a powerful source of hope and entertainment.  With the death of OTB (Off-Track Betting), candy stores and bodegas are converting their shops into full on betting parlors with scratch-off vending machines, Keno tables, and full-scale "Jackpot Bars".

Tables.

Jackpot Bar.

Scratch-Off Vending Machines and a guy literally on the edge of his seat

My friend Ted Deodot, pictured here, said simply, "It's very good for business."

Margie, who works for the MTA, said, "I just want to win."

I feel like if you don't play the New York Lottery, you just don't realize the scale of insanity. The graphic design, for one.  The sheer number of games and far-reachingness of it.  Plus, the New York Lottery website, www.nylottery.ny.gov, is about the best, fastest, most animated website I've ever visited.

To give you a sense, I made some jpegs of most of the scratch-offs that are available, as well as scans of the daily pick games and jackpot jump-offs.  I'm not making too much of a judgement here, I just saw it and looked at the website and thought it was crazy.

THE ONE-DOLLAR SCRATCH-OFFS

THE 2$ AND 3$ SCRATCH-OFFS:

THE 5$, 10$, 20$ and 30$ SCRATCH-OFFS:

DAILY PICK GAMES:

THEJACKPOTS: 

People do win though.  And they do give out those giant checks.

Effrom Suarez, His Mom, His Brothers, and Me

Effrom and I have always disagreed.  He's not a Ninja Turtles fan like I am, he's not so into the
newest Batman cartoon, and he swears he's "never heard of" Duck Tales.  Next he'll tell
me he hasn't read Catcher In The Rye.  Anyhow, he's a huge Dora the Explorer fan.  He's
always making his mom buy him one of those foil balloons of her head.  But when I ran into them
across the street from Lee's Discount, I just had to put in my 2 cents.

All I meant was that Dora is a little over-exposed right now.  Good Humor Ice Pops, bootleg alarm clocks,
cheap backpacks, party tablecloths, wash-towels, pasta-shapes, you name it.  Dora has sold out.
Her and the red Angry Bird guy are everywhere.  Doormats, notebooks, vitamins...
So I raised my voice a little bit.  There's nothing wrong with some passion to back up an argument.

Effrom lost it.  Started crying like a little baby.
I have to admit that I couldn't help feeling a little bit glad.  Not because the kid cried, but -
 because I could tell from the way that he was crying, that Effrom knew I was right.  

Once In Awhile You Meet Someone Who's On The Exact Same Page As You

This is Tontyn, a clown I met on Junction Blvd. in Corona, Queens. Tontyn is for hire, but he also does a lot of charity work, with his crew, The Payasitos, which means, The Clowns.

Tontyn's make-up = scary.  Not sure if it's the neon or the airbrush flow, or the Guatemala headband
or the blue tint cornrows.  I think it's pretty good, but it's scary.

Groucho says hi, even though it looks like Tontyn's checking for a pulse.

Tontyn's shoes are baller, high quality, clown shoes, maybe not as luxe as a pair of
Christian Louboutin high heels, but every bit as insane.

Tontyn's Business Card.
Please call him.

Possibly the most interesting thing about Tontyn's story was that he told me that there is ANOTHER crew of clowns who work the Jackson Heights area of Queens, but recently have started to perform on The Payasitos turf.  Tontyn said that the other clown crew ALSO calls themselves The Payasitos, so Tontyn's Payasitos have begun to call themselves The Payasitos Reales, or, The Real Clowns.  When I pressed him, Tontyn told me that, yes, there has been some heat related to the turf war, most notable was when the Real Clowns caught Chiquitin, the self-declared leader of the other Clowns doing a princess-themed b-day party in a Pizzeria on 98th Street.  You might think they beat him up, but Tontyn said all they did was smear his make-up, AFTER THE SHOW, so the kids wouldn't be upset.  The Real Clowns now call their enemies, "Los Payasos Sin Talinto", or, the Untalented Clowns.   

Granted, Tontyn's English was pretty banged up, and my Spanish is far worse, especially when trying to decipher Tontyn's strange clowny Guatemalan Spanish, so my facts might not be 100% on the money.

A poster for Chiquitin that I saw later that day in the door of a taqueria on Astoria Blvd.
Chiquitin is the leader of Los Payasos Sin Talinto.

The Air Isn't Even So Good At This Place

37th Ave. in Jackson Heights

Potato Stix mascot is a PIG!

Actually, he's an anthropomorphic potato, but he's obviously a jerk.

I don't know who he's calling a ho, but I do know it's not very nice!

You Must Squat Before THE KING OF JEANS!

This is crazy because:

1. The King of Jeans wears no shirt, even on his own sign!
2. The girl he's making out with is squatting in front of him.
3. What the girl is wearing. Especially the choker.
4. The King of Jeans is wearing big buckle guido shoes. On his sign.
5. The shape behind the King of Jeans and his Queen is - a completely UNCLASSIFIABLE rhombus.

It is not so crazy that the King of Jeans is going out of business, although it is very sad.

Things Your Kitchen Can't Live Without

Not only is this made out of real wood, it's safe.

Surf's Up

Here are two takes on the same coloring project.

Iko's Take

Emilio's Take

Philly In 100 Degree Heat

The hydrants up and down Lancaster Ave. in Philly were all gushing yesterday, but this family took it to the next level.

I used to have a Mr. Turtle pool when I was a kid and my dad would join me.  He'd just sit in it, set up in our backyard in Queens, popping can after can of Budweiser.  He'd take one of the pots from the stovetop and every few minutes he'd scoop up some water and dump it all over his head.

My Dad with a horse in Flushing Meadow Park.
He wore that shirt every day for two years straight at one point.