Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Tricycle City: Derek

Derek's cool, except when he starts complaining about his lack of torso.  I'm always like, but
you've got those nice long legs.  He's like, "If I had an appropriate size torso, they wouldn't seem so
long."  I go, "Well, that's one way of looking at it.  Why don't you get some cooler clothes?
Maybe some baggy jeans and an oversized sweater?  That 90's look worked for a lot of
fat ugly-bodied rappers back in the day.  Your little German Schoolboy Uniform doesn't help
your torso situation."  He starts yelling, " LET ME REMIND YOU, SIR: I WAS SCULPTED
like toy racism, or like, insensitivity to their rights and feelings.  I apologized.
Never get into it with a toy about how they were sculpted.  Either they drop mad
ego on you or they start complaining about the factory, and the conveyor belts, and
the way some guy fucked up their paintjob.  Not to mention all that heavy stuff: they're
all on anti-depressants because of the time they spent in their original packaging.
Toys that were on the shelf for more than a week are all scarred for life.  They
never bounce back from that feeling of not being wanted.  


  1. Derek is a real pain in the ass.
    He reminds me of Steve from Mike's Diner in Astoria.
    My & Frankie first discovered the bottomless cup of coffee there back in the early 90's.
    (I also discovered the lesser known items on the menu like the Turkey London Broil.)
    Anyway, Steve was also missing his torso AND he also had a bit of an ego based on what he considered to be "Great Hair Style".
    When Frankie was ready to order his chicken rice soup Steve would always lick his pencil and say, "OK Boy... what you having?".
    Flash forward a couple of decades and the NYC Diner as we knew it, is disappearing.... even though Mike's is still there.
    Rumor has it, Frankie is gonna stash me in his backpack and sneak me back into Mike's when he gets back from his trip.

  2. Replies
    1. Agree with Rubbish on the diner dilema or about Torso-less persons being jerks?