Friday, March 30, 2012

The Fitting Room at "Nothing Fits"

I do most of my clothes shopping here at Nothing Fits. I love this place. They really know how I feel. The specially trained staff know how to look at your love handles and give you a pair of khakis that totally accentuates them. They are so much more cracked out than a VIM or an OMG that I will be faithful till the day they close. There used to be the silhouette of a new wave lady next to the sign but someone shot her off one day because he was so upset by stuff the cashier said to him.


They are true to their name. They have absolutely nothing that fits you and they hate you and they laugh at you when you come out of their specially made Fitting Rooms, which have no mirrors in them, so you have to come out and look at yourself in the three-way community mirror. By then, they usually have gathered more staff to make comments and drop innuendo.


Yeah right - they don't know what innuendo is! They tell you to your face that you're fat. Or they say things like, "I've never seen those pants look so crazy on someone." Or, "That shirt sticks to your body funny."

This was the only thing I got from them the other day. Size: Irregular. The left arm is at least 5 inches longer than the right. I promise you. But I got it because Ernie Sweatshirt is just so damn close to Earl Sweatshirt that it MUST mean something.

3 comments:

  1. A gift wrapped fitting room! So's that you feel the holiday spirit of buying junk... all year long! Sheer marketing genius. There's a lot of business tactics we all could learn from Nothing Fits.

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  2. Rubbish James. Always up to some sort of political "crusade" or business machination. And since they shut down the OTBs you've been much more active (worse). I thought your Cheese-Lemonade Stand might have some legs to it, but you always seem to mess yourself up in the end.

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